Hello friends,
Circumstances in my life are causing me to reflect on the foundation of all good relationships, whether personal or professional. It strikes me that the core of any relationship’s success or failure hinges on whether the individuals involved can consistently keep their agreements with one another.
Lessons from Leadership
Let me share a story from a client, a businessman wrestling with motivating his leadership team. He's working to encourage his managers to truly own their roles by honoring their commitments. During a reflective moment on a flight home from a corporate event, he conceptualized what he calls the “Six Stages of Oversight,” which succinctly captures the progression of responsibility and flourishing:
- Cannot meet expectations, regardless of oversight.
- Meets expectations only under close, daily, or hourly management.
- Meets expectations with moderate oversight.
- Meets expectations with minimal oversight.
- Meets expectations independently, without oversight.
- Exceeds expectations by enhancing efficiencies and seizing new opportunities.
Universal Application of Oversight
Although conceived for a business context, this framework isn’t just about business. It applies universally, illustrating how trust and accountability are foundational across all relationships.
Generalizing Oversight to Relationships
If we generalize Jim’s oversight stages, we discover a hidden truth: Successful personal or professional relationships flourish when people make and keep agreements. Personal relationships are less about meeting expectations and more about trusting our partners to keep their word. When people don't, their relationship deteriorates. When they do, they thrive!
Integrating Shadow Work
Shadow work, the practice of delving into our subconscious to confront hidden fears and desires, provides powerful tools for examining why we might sometimes fail to keep our agreements.
The Power of Self-Reflection
Integrating shadow work into our daily lives allows us to uncover and address the underlying issues that prevent us from fulfilling our responsibilities. It encourages us to ask ourselves:
- How might unseen aspects of my personality detract from me keeping my agreements?
- Where can I apply more mindfulness to improve my accountability?
- How do my actions or inactions affect the dynamics of my relationships?
Conclusion
As we explore these questions, we deepen our understanding of ourselves and enhance our ability to contribute positively to every relationship.
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