Skillful Awareness in Times of Loss

Loss has a way of resurfacing old wounds, blending past and present grief into a heavy emotional weight. In this reflection on losing my beloved cat Ramses, I explore how the Polyvagal Theory explains the way our nervous system processes grief and how Shadow Work reveals the deeper layers beneath our emotions. Through Skillful Awareness, I’ve learned to feel my pain without amplifying it—to let grief come, be, and go. If loss is weighing on you, this post invites you to explore your emotions with self-awareness and mindfulness, offering insight into how we can process life’s most challenging moments with resilience and grace.

Skillful Awareness in Times of Loss

Hello friends,

Thank you all so much for the outpouring of support I received after posting last week’s newsletter on Ramses’ passing. Grief hit me in waves this week. The house feels emptier, and I’m still easily triggered; finding an unfinished can of his food in the fridge hurt.

Losses Blending

The loss doesn’t exist in isolation, either. My daughter is with her mom this week. Losing Ramses reactivated feelings of loneliness—losing my family to divorce four years ago. My mind knows these are separate events, but my body doesn’t. The losses blended and amplified, and I found myself riding waves of grief and nostalgia—heavy sigh.

How Our Nervous System Processes Loss

The Polyvagal Theory explains how loss throws us between different emotional states. One moment, my heart ached wide open; the next, I felt closed off and numb. All week, I experienced waves of grief, emptiness, and the impulse to reach out for connection. All are normal reactions to grief.

Shadow Work: The Layers Beneath Our Grief

All the while, I watched and processed.

Are there deeper issues that this loss is triggering?
Am I just grieving Ramses or older losses, too?
What well-worn stories is Ramses’ loss activating in me?

For me, losing Ramses stirred up echoes of past grief, but self-awareness allowed me to hold space for myself rather than spiral down.

Let it Come, Let it be, Let it Go

Grief will come. Loss is inevitable. But through skillful awareness, we can feel pain without making it worse. Four years ago, this loss may have sent me spiraling. But now, my practice has cultivated the capacity to grieve while staying present. I can acknowledge and feel its weight and move on. That is what Skillful Awareness offers—it doesn’t deny suffering but doesn’t magnify it either. It teaches us to sit with what is, to feel fully, and let go gracefully.

An Invitation to Heal

If a recent or past loss weighs on you, I encourage you to process it skillfully. What is your nervous system telling you? What old wounds might still need attention? If words help, start journaling about it. Give yourself the space to feel, reflect, and heal.

If you’re struggling, reach out. I’d love to help you explore ways to navigate loss and find strength through awareness.

I wish you peace and, if needed, the courage to press on!

Mark

‍

There's more to discover!

Continue your journey with more related articles.

The Rescuer's Reckoning

This week’s post tells the story of a woman who’s spent her life doing for others but never learned how to prioritize herself. Through coaching, she’s begun exploring her internalized guilt and rescuer identity. Shadow work is helping her uncover why saying no feels so difficult—and why creating space for herself is essential. This post invites anyone who gives too much and wonders when it’s finally okay to choose themselves.

Events That Change Us

Life-altering events can shake us to our core—but they can also shape us in powerful ways. In this post, I reflect on two major turning points in my life: the loss of my business and my divorce. Both left me disoriented and hurting. But through extended retreats—first at a Tibetan Buddhist monastery and later through plant medicine—I found perspective, healing, and a path forward. If you’re navigating a personal upheaval, this post offers insight into the psychological toll of big change and the quiet power of stepping away to reconnect with what matters.

Name It to Tame It: Using Third‑Person Self‑Talk to Build Self‑Compassion

Talking to yourself in the third person (Illeism) may feel odd at first, but it creates instant distance from swirling emotions. In this post I share how “Name It to Tame It” carried me through a rough divorce, why it works neurologically, and how you can use it for quick, compassionate shadow work. I also invite readers to go deeper through one‑on‑one coaching or an upcoming plant‑medicine retreat at Tubac Ranch.

No Grind, No Goodness

In this honest and uplifting reflection, Mark shares a personal story about a friend whose daily commitment to his artistic calling brought unexpected healing. He weaves in insights about depression, procrastination, and the voice that says “not today”—and how shadow work helps us meet it with curiosity. The post ends with a powerful call to reconnect with what matters, even if you’ve fallen off track. Because saying yes to the grind, over and over, is what unlocks the goodness.

Subscribe to my newsletter

Subscribe to receive the latest blog posts to your inbox every week.

Thank you! Your submission has been received!

Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Skillful Awareness in Times of Loss