The Rescuer's Reckoning
The Rescuer’s Reckoning
Hey friends,
A client of mine—let's call her "J"—is one of the most giving people I know. For decades, she's shown up for friends, family, and strangers alike. In her family, she's the one you call in a crisis and helps put the pieces back together. She remembers your birthday and brings food to share at work. If you're in her circle, you have someone to count on. The problem is that J doesn't know how to count on herself.
The Trap of Identity
In one of our recent sessions, she said something that stuck with me: "I don't know how to say no without feeling like I'm abandoning someone." Underneath her outward generosity was a persona you might call a "rescuer," an identity built around being needed.
New Beginnings Come with Challenges
But now J is in a new chapter of her life. Her kids are grown, and she just jumped off the treadmill of a busy career. For the first time in decades, her soul is calling out for some "me time." But here's the issue—she's never really practiced focusing on herself. Saying no to others and prioritizing herself not only feels weird, but it also feels selfish. When she does, the guilt can be immobilizing.
Breaking the Chains of Past Programming
This is where shadow work comes in. What might lie underneath the constant giving? Where did the belief start that love must be earned? What part of her feels unsafe when she stops helping? Who might she be, not as the fixer, but as her whole self? These aren't easy questions, and there are no quick fixes. But shadow work can free oneself to embody a more authentic way of being, unshackled by past programming.
The Gift of Me Time
One of the best places to start exploring such deep questions is on retreat, away from the noise, in a place designed to help you tune inward. If you see yourself in J and are ready to shift from over-giving to inner balance, I invite you to consider joining us. A retreat isn't an escape; it's a gift of 'me time." It's a way to remember that giving to yourself is not a betrayal of others. It's the foundation for offering your presence in a more honest and sustainable way.
Wishing you clarity, courage, and the strength to find yourself,
Mark
Answer the Call
If you’ve been giving to others for so long that you’ve lost sight of your own needs, now’s the time to pause. Shadow work can help you understand the deeper reasons behind your patterns—and a retreat offers a safe space to do that work. Join us, and begin the shift from over-giving to authentic balance. You deserve time to tune in, reflect, and reclaim your life. Reach out and let's schedule a 30 min Discovery Call and discuss what's inspiring you.
Questions for Reflection
Why do I feel guilty when I say no?
You may have internalized the idea that love is earned through giving. Shadow work helps uncover the early experiences that shaped that belief so you can meet them with compassion rather than obligation.
How do I know when I’m over-giving?
Signs include chronic exhaustion, resentment, or feeling invisible in your own life. These are clues that your boundaries may need attention and your own needs have gone unmet for too long.
What’s one small step I can take toward balance?
Start by practicing one intentional “no” this week—without explanation or apology. Then notice what comes up emotionally. Journaling or talking it through can help you begin to build that new muscle.
