The Rescuer's Reckoning

This week’s post tells the story of a woman who’s spent her life doing for others but never learned how to prioritize herself. Through coaching, she’s begun exploring her internalized guilt and rescuer identity. Shadow work is helping her uncover why saying no feels so difficult—and why creating space for herself is essential. This post invites anyone who gives too much and wonders when it’s finally okay to choose themselves.

The Rescuer’s Reckoning

Hey friends,

A client of mine—let's call her "J"—is one of the most giving people I know. For decades, she's shown up for friends, family, and strangers alike. In her family, she's the one you call in a crisis and helps put the pieces back together. She remembers your birthday and brings food to share at work. If you're in her circle, you have someone to count on. The problem is that J doesn't know how to count on herself.

The Trap of Identity

In one of our recent sessions, she said something that stuck with me: "I don't know how to say no without feeling like I'm abandoning someone." Underneath her outward generosity was a persona you might call a "rescuer," an identity built around being needed.

New Beginnings Come with Challenges

But now J is in a new chapter of her life. Her kids are grown, and she just jumped off the treadmill of a busy career. For the first time in decades, her soul is calling out for some "me time." But here's the issue—she's never really practiced focusing on herself. Saying no to others and prioritizing herself not only feels weird, but it also feels selfish. When she does, the guilt can be immobilizing.

Breaking the Chains of Past Programming

This is where shadow work comes in. What might lie underneath the constant giving? Where did the belief start that love must be earned? What part of her feels unsafe when she stops helping? Who might she be, not as the fixer, but as her whole self? These aren't easy questions, and there are no quick fixes. But shadow work can free oneself to embody a more authentic way of being, unshackled by past programming.

The Gift of Me Time

One of the best places to start exploring such deep questions is on retreat, away from the noise, in a place designed to help you tune inward. If you see yourself in J and are ready to shift from over-giving to inner balance, I invite you to consider joining us. A retreat isn't an escape; it's a gift of 'me time." It's a way to remember that giving to yourself is not a betrayal of others. It's the foundation for offering your presence in a more honest and sustainable way.

Wishing you clarity, courage, and the strength to find yourself,

Mark

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