What is love? What I learned on retreat

In this heartfelt post, I reflect on a powerful teaching I received during my time at a Tibetan Buddhist monastery: “Love is wanting someone to be happy.” This simple definition has shaped the way I understand love, connection, and fulfillment. I explore how true happiness often comes through attunement—offering genuine, present attention to others and ourselves. By weaving in the tools of shadow work, I share how we can move closer to authentic self-love and invite readers to consider retreating with me this year as a way to return to what matters most.

What is Love?

Hello friends,

Twenty-plus years ago, I spent a few months retreating in a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in Eudlo, Australia. It was a formative time—quiet, disciplined, and full of big, soul-level questions. One moment that stuck with me came during a teaching on love. Our Geshe defined it this way: "Love is wanting someone to be happy." That description landed on me. It was clear and unburdened—no drama, no attachment—just a wish for another's happiness.

Okay, Then, What is Happiness?

I've thought about that a lot over the years, and it's made me ask: What is happiness? What makes me feel loved? For me, it's not gifts, agreement, or flattery. It's when someone gives me their full, genuine, undistracted attention—not just any attention, but the kind that's warm, curious, and accepting. It's the attention that comes with presence and care. That's what I've come to call attunement.

Attunement Is Love in Action

Attunement means sensing into yourself, others, and the moment with acceptance, care, and a wish for a higher good. It's a practical, sleeves-rolled-up kind of love. It's being present in a way that lets the other person feel seen, heard, and accepted. When someone attunes to you, you feel loved. When you attune to someone else, they feel loved. And here's the piece that's taken me years to absorb: You can attune to yourself, too.

Shadow Work and Self-Love

Shadow work has taught me that we often turn away from the parts of ourselves we eschew. We reject the scared, angry, and needy parts. But what if we turned toward them with the same loving attention we'd offer a dear friend? What if you could look at your disappointment, your anxiety, your reactivity—and say, "I see you. I care. I want you to feel better." That's real self-love. That's healing. That's transformation.

Join Me This Year

This year, I'm hosting several retreats—each one an invitation to go deeper into love, attunement, and shadow work. Whether you come to explore your relationships and inner world or just to find some space to breathe and reflect, I'd love to retreat with you.

If you’ve been feeling off track, like something in your life needs realignment, this might be your moment to pause and attune to yourself. If this resonates, reach out. Let's make a plan to get you back to where you want to be.

Wishing you abundant health, happiness, and prosperity,
Mark

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